I almost forgot that a post every day means every day. Even on the weekends when I'm doing nothing and haven't touched my computer since yesterday. And here it is, Saturday night, and I am blogging.
Wow, I am so cool.
Jason asked what I was going to blog about today and I told him that I have no idea. "Give me a topic," I begged. He blustered for a bit and then said "Arthritic dogs."
Um. OK.
Our dogs turned 11 last month. We've had them since they were 7 weeks old. We've been told in the past that a typical lifespan for dogs of their size (they're considered a large breed since they're half Lab and half Bassett) is about 10-12 years. Well, we're right in the middle of that.
They've really aged a lot in the last year, but Neitzsche (Jason named him) is getting the worst of it. He's developed really severe arthritis in his hind left leg and has a lot of trouble walking now. Caesar has had arthritis in his front right shoulder for years now but it's never really gotten bad--it's almost like he developed it and it's remained at that level since then. It doesn't seem to affect him much at all. On the other hand, Neitzsche really doesn't put weight on his leg at all if he can help it, which has raised issues for us about treating him.
There's really very little to be done. He takes medication now but his liver isn't healthy enough for the typical anti-inflammatories, so we're doing what we can without the several-hundred-dollars-per-month meds that our vet recommended. As much as we would like to be able to do everything like that, the sad reality is that we don't know if Jason will have a job come March and we're uncomfortable making the decision to spend hundreds or even more between now and then treating an 11-year old dog.
We're also uncomfortable NOT making that decision. The dogs have been our babies since less than 5 months after we got married. I want to be able to say "Damn the cost, he'll have the best!" but the vet told me that she's not even sure they'll help him regain much function of that leg. The treatment would require multiple injections a week.
I think back to when the dogs were puppies, small enough to run all over us. When Neitzsche stole my bologna sandwich one day and then sat in front of the couch with it hanging out both sides of his mouth, acting as if he were saying, "What bologna sandwich? I've never seen a bologna sandwich. You should ask Caesar." Watching them both chase the light from a laser pointer back and forth along the courtyard behind our first apartment each evening before we went to bed. Their resigned acceptance every time we brought home orphaned puppies that we were fostering. The curiosity they had when we brought Patrick home, and their complete nonchalance when we brought home Melkamu (who was terrified of them for all of about 24 hours). The trainer at Pet.Smart who basically admitted that our dogs were some of the most stubborn she'd ever met--they know all of their commands but will only do them when they feel like it. They've turned up their noses at treats many times simply because they just didn't feel like sitting at that moment.
And Neitzsche is sitting next to me on the couch right now, pushing on my lap desk so that I will move the computer and pet him.
Gotta go--there is a soft dog to pet, and I've just started to realize that won't last forever.
Saturday, November 6, 2010
Friday, November 5, 2010
NaBloPoMo, day 5: Yep, they're mine
When we started telling people that we were expecting another child, several people immediately asked "One of your own or are you adopting again?" I responded with "I have two children of my own--this will be my third child and I'll be giving birth to this one."
Snarky? Perhaps a little. I tried not to say it too sarcastically but when I'd heard it for the 10th time out of 12 calls, it got a little tiring. I've said it before and I'm sure to say it again and again: all of my children are my own. I don't care if we share blood or not. But this time, permit me to go further.
When I would respond that I am pregnant, people would instantly say something to the effect of "How incredible! How exciting! How wonderful!" And I was left wondering if the response would have been different if we'd said we were adopting (and thinking that yes, it probably would have been different, but that's a post for another time). Joyfully expecting a child through any process whatsoever, which we were pretty clearly doing, is to be celebrated. A child is a child, and a new family member is a new family member. This is something exciting and wonderful and incredible--and I wish that had been the first thing people had said. It felt to me like people were reserving those statements until they'd checked to see if there was a biological connection between this child and me.
Only a few sweet and wonderful people said "I'm so thrilled for you!" and then asked about biology or adoption. Let me be clear--I don't have a problem with someone asking whether our next child is by birth or by adoption. We have a mixed-together family and have made no secret of the fact that we plan to adopt again, nor was it really a secret that we were open to doing some more fertility treatments (yes, that's what it took for this one). It was a completely valid and reasonable question, and one I expected to be answering.
My frustration was when the happiness didn't come out until after the person had been assured that this child is likely to spill things all the time due to sharing Jason's and my DNA. I also had a lot of frustration with the fact that people phrased it using that "your own" rather than simply asking if I was pregnant or we were adopting. When you ask me if this child will be "my own or adopted", you're implying that my child by adoption is not "my own" (at least, that's how it comes across to this parent by adoption). And when you imply that he is not "mine", I'm not quite sure what you mean. All I can do is explain to you how it comes across to me, the one hearing it.
I'm hearing that you're implying that adoption is less than biology. To me, it comes across that having a child through adoption is not quite as meaningful as having a child through birth. And when I hear, whether you mean it or not, that "adopted" < "birth", it implies to me that YOU think my child is less than my child. That YOU don't see him as equivalent to my other child.
I already wondered if that was true when we brought him home. There were multiple members of our extended families who didn't even send a card or make a quick phone call to reference the fact that we had a new child, even though they had done so when we brought Patrick home. No one was obligated to do anything when he came home any more than they were obligated to do anything for Patrick's arrival. But now I'm curious--will this new child bring those cards and/or phone calls simply on the basis of biology? I rather hope not.
If the lack of cards and phone calls after Melkamu's arrival was simply because he was not a first child, I will understand that--a first child does hold a unique place in a family (why yes, I am an oldest child). There's always a drop-off with subsequent children. I get that. I'm not upset by that. But it will hurt me tremendously if this child gets things from people who didn't bother to acknowledge Melkamu's joining our family...because ultimately, thatimplies shouts from the rooftops that it was because he was adopted. That those people consider him and his arrival in our family less worthy of recognition than those of our other children.
Some will call this oversensitive. I know this for a fact because someone flat-out said I should stop being so sensitive when hearing that whole "my own or adoption" thing. I am a Mama. I am supposed to be sensitive about issues regarding my children. It's in the job description. Frankly, I can take it. Call me whatever you'd like. I'm an adult and have outlets to express my feeling about those issues. I'm of the opinion that regardless of how someone makes a statement, it's ultimately the recipient's perception of that statement that truly matters.
My child did not choose to be adopted so regardless of what you think of my beliefs on this, consider this--if I'm hearing it this way, how is my child hearing or seeing it? Melkamu, who is almost 4, is extremely perceptive. Maybe he doesn't hear your words or see your actions that way--but what if he does? He probably would not know how to tell you that it makes him feel sad when you say that. That your words are hurting him. That it makes him wonder if you truly don't believe he is worthy of being considered our child.
Would it matter to you if he sees it that way?
Snarky? Perhaps a little. I tried not to say it too sarcastically but when I'd heard it for the 10th time out of 12 calls, it got a little tiring. I've said it before and I'm sure to say it again and again: all of my children are my own. I don't care if we share blood or not. But this time, permit me to go further.
When I would respond that I am pregnant, people would instantly say something to the effect of "How incredible! How exciting! How wonderful!" And I was left wondering if the response would have been different if we'd said we were adopting (and thinking that yes, it probably would have been different, but that's a post for another time). Joyfully expecting a child through any process whatsoever, which we were pretty clearly doing, is to be celebrated. A child is a child, and a new family member is a new family member. This is something exciting and wonderful and incredible--and I wish that had been the first thing people had said. It felt to me like people were reserving those statements until they'd checked to see if there was a biological connection between this child and me.
Only a few sweet and wonderful people said "I'm so thrilled for you!" and then asked about biology or adoption. Let me be clear--I don't have a problem with someone asking whether our next child is by birth or by adoption. We have a mixed-together family and have made no secret of the fact that we plan to adopt again, nor was it really a secret that we were open to doing some more fertility treatments (yes, that's what it took for this one). It was a completely valid and reasonable question, and one I expected to be answering.
My frustration was when the happiness didn't come out until after the person had been assured that this child is likely to spill things all the time due to sharing Jason's and my DNA. I also had a lot of frustration with the fact that people phrased it using that "your own" rather than simply asking if I was pregnant or we were adopting. When you ask me if this child will be "my own or adopted", you're implying that my child by adoption is not "my own" (at least, that's how it comes across to this parent by adoption). And when you imply that he is not "mine", I'm not quite sure what you mean. All I can do is explain to you how it comes across to me, the one hearing it.
I'm hearing that you're implying that adoption is less than biology. To me, it comes across that having a child through adoption is not quite as meaningful as having a child through birth. And when I hear, whether you mean it or not, that "adopted" < "birth", it implies to me that YOU think my child is less than my child. That YOU don't see him as equivalent to my other child.
I already wondered if that was true when we brought him home. There were multiple members of our extended families who didn't even send a card or make a quick phone call to reference the fact that we had a new child, even though they had done so when we brought Patrick home. No one was obligated to do anything when he came home any more than they were obligated to do anything for Patrick's arrival. But now I'm curious--will this new child bring those cards and/or phone calls simply on the basis of biology? I rather hope not.
If the lack of cards and phone calls after Melkamu's arrival was simply because he was not a first child, I will understand that--a first child does hold a unique place in a family (why yes, I am an oldest child). There's always a drop-off with subsequent children. I get that. I'm not upset by that. But it will hurt me tremendously if this child gets things from people who didn't bother to acknowledge Melkamu's joining our family...because ultimately, that
Some will call this oversensitive. I know this for a fact because someone flat-out said I should stop being so sensitive when hearing that whole "my own or adoption" thing. I am a Mama. I am supposed to be sensitive about issues regarding my children. It's in the job description. Frankly, I can take it. Call me whatever you'd like. I'm an adult and have outlets to express my feeling about those issues. I'm of the opinion that regardless of how someone makes a statement, it's ultimately the recipient's perception of that statement that truly matters.
My child did not choose to be adopted so regardless of what you think of my beliefs on this, consider this--if I'm hearing it this way, how is my child hearing or seeing it? Melkamu, who is almost 4, is extremely perceptive. Maybe he doesn't hear your words or see your actions that way--but what if he does? He probably would not know how to tell you that it makes him feel sad when you say that. That your words are hurting him. That it makes him wonder if you truly don't believe he is worthy of being considered our child.
Would it matter to you if he sees it that way?
Thursday, November 4, 2010
NaBloPoMo, day 4: On a serious note
I've been keeping things lighthearted here but the fact is that my aunt passed away due to advanced lung cancer on Sunday. I won't be going to the funeral. There are a host of reasons but really when it comes down to it, they don't matter. Jason pointed out that funerals are for the living, and that's the major reason that I'd like to be there. I wish I could be there with my dad, my grandmother, my aunt and uncle. As sad as I am about losing her, I am more sad for those who knew her far better and longer than I did.
It wasn't a sudden passing. It's been expected for a long time now. I knew when I saw her over the summer that it was probably the last time that I would get to do so. It's still extremely sad.
I'll miss you, Aunt Kerry.
It wasn't a sudden passing. It's been expected for a long time now. I knew when I saw her over the summer that it was probably the last time that I would get to do so. It's still extremely sad.
I'll miss you, Aunt Kerry.
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
NaBloPoMo, day 2: Election Day
I'm going to vote on my way home from work today, in about 30 minutes. Is it common that kids have no school on Election Day? I don't remember having the day off. Patrick had today off and so Jason took the day off with him.
My polling place recently changed, which is nice because the old one was less user-friendly than the new one. I only wish the potential candidates were changed. I can't even call the choice between the gubernatorial candidates choosing between the lesser of two evils, because it's embarrassing that they're the best Georgia has to offer. On one hand, we have the ex-governor who was voted out a while ago for a myriad of legitimate reasons; on the other hand, we have the soon-to-declare-bankruptcy candidate who has a host of other bad qualities and policies. That, folks, is the choice I get to make.
Siobhan asked about some of the ways that it's different living in the north vs. the south. I will say that my perspective is different on both places because I've lived my whole adult life in the south, so almost all of my political experience has come with conservative southern politics; however, my developmental years were in the north and my political leanings are certainly more liberal than most people down here. Jason likes to ask me if I'm "going to go out and throw away my vote" when it's Election Day. Pretty much, but at least I'm having a say.
Maybe I'll vote Libertarian. It wouldn't be the first time. I took a political quiz one time and ended up in the quadrant between Democrat and Libertarian, and that seemed to be a pretty accurate fit.
Yessir (or ma'am, as the case may be), politics here is certainly challenging. I can't imagine why anyone in their right mind gets into it.
My polling place recently changed, which is nice because the old one was less user-friendly than the new one. I only wish the potential candidates were changed. I can't even call the choice between the gubernatorial candidates choosing between the lesser of two evils, because it's embarrassing that they're the best Georgia has to offer. On one hand, we have the ex-governor who was voted out a while ago for a myriad of legitimate reasons; on the other hand, we have the soon-to-declare-bankruptcy candidate who has a host of other bad qualities and policies. That, folks, is the choice I get to make.
Siobhan asked about some of the ways that it's different living in the north vs. the south. I will say that my perspective is different on both places because I've lived my whole adult life in the south, so almost all of my political experience has come with conservative southern politics; however, my developmental years were in the north and my political leanings are certainly more liberal than most people down here. Jason likes to ask me if I'm "going to go out and throw away my vote" when it's Election Day. Pretty much, but at least I'm having a say.
Maybe I'll vote Libertarian. It wouldn't be the first time. I took a political quiz one time and ended up in the quadrant between Democrat and Libertarian, and that seemed to be a pretty accurate fit.
Yessir (or ma'am, as the case may be), politics here is certainly challenging. I can't imagine why anyone in their right mind gets into it.
Monday, November 1, 2010
NaBloPoMo, year 2, day 1
OK, I'm in. It's National Blog Posting Month, affectionately (at least today, maybe less so in 30 days) as NaBloPoMo. I've been less than bloggy this year lately and it's time to get back to it.
I need some help. What do you want me to write about? Otherwise I can almost guarantee multiple posts about canning, which is a new skill that I've been developing over the last year. I even have pictures of the jam and spaghetti-sauce-making processes. They'd be easy to upload, and I'm pretty psyched about all the delicious jam and spaghetti sauces and pickles and fruit syrups in my laundry room. Just sayin'...
November is always a busy month for our family as it is, what with Melkamu and Jason's birthdays (and then Patrick's only 3 days into December), Thanksgiving, and the near-end of the semester for me (which always coincides with getting many research papers, lab reports, and panicked student e-mails); however, I'm going to do my best to keep up with things.
As always, there will be Wordless Wednesdays, which will likely feature pictures of our two ever-eating and therefore ever-growing sons. One post today, four posts planned--that only leaves 25 more to figure out!
Eeps.
I need some help. What do you want me to write about? Otherwise I can almost guarantee multiple posts about canning, which is a new skill that I've been developing over the last year. I even have pictures of the jam and spaghetti-sauce-making processes. They'd be easy to upload, and I'm pretty psyched about all the delicious jam and spaghetti sauces and pickles and fruit syrups in my laundry room. Just sayin'...
November is always a busy month for our family as it is, what with Melkamu and Jason's birthdays (and then Patrick's only 3 days into December), Thanksgiving, and the near-end of the semester for me (which always coincides with getting many research papers, lab reports, and panicked student e-mails); however, I'm going to do my best to keep up with things.
As always, there will be Wordless Wednesdays, which will likely feature pictures of our two ever-eating and therefore ever-growing sons. One post today, four posts planned--that only leaves 25 more to figure out!
Eeps.
Monday, October 18, 2010
Updates
I should probably start with the biggest--or smallest, depending on your point of view. The name of our blog is becoming even more apropos, as we are expecting a third child in about 4 1/2 months! I am 20w2d pregnant as of today with a long-awaited baby, and we could not be happier about the little one who will be joining our family come March-ish.
I like to call this one the Skeletor shot.
Little curled-up baby :-)
He/she was being very stubborn and did not want to get into a particularly good position for pictures. I have somehow managed to pass on the stubbornness trait to all of my children, whether biological or not.
We did not find out the baby's gender because we're planning to be surprised. I've been surprised at how many people assume that we're hoping for a girl--truly, our boys are so much fun that how could we be anything but overjoyed if we have another one? We're just thrilled to be able to add to our family, and very relieved to find out that the baby appears very healthy.
I've been feeling him/her kick for almost 2 months, and Jason and the kids have all felt movement also. It's amazing to me that this baby was strong enough to kick hard enough that Jason could feel it at 17 weeks! I am so thankful for a healthy, active, strong little one who has made it this far. Only another 20 weeks or so to go!
We are planning to give birth to this baby at home and could not be more excited about our decision*. Patrick actually started advocating for homebirth an hour after we told the kids about the baby (at the end of the first trimester)--"Mama, are you going to the hospital to have the baby or will you have a homebirth?" I said that Daddy and I would talk about it and make a decision. He immediately said "I think you should have the baby at home!" I had no idea that he'd been paying such close attention to my Bradley classes! Both kids have seen tons of birth videos and are excited to be able to be here. I've told Melkamu that he can be one of the first people in the world to hold the baby when it's born, and he is incredibly puffed-up with pride and excitement.
Beyond than that news, the kids and Jason and I are doing well! Kamu's breathing has been better now that he's on regular medications (Flo.vent and Singu.lair), so we haven't had a crisis or had to have him on steroids in about 4 months. Before that, he was on them about every 6 weeks - 2 months. Winter and spring will be the telling seasons, as that's normally when he has problems. He loves daycare and seeing his friends, has learned his colors, and is starting to learn his letters. He still has issues with counting but we're working on them. Melkamu has also grown incredibly in the last couple of years. When he came home at 16 months of age, he was 22 lbs and wearing 12 month-sized clothes. He will be 4 a month from tomorrow and now weighs about 39 lbs, is 46" tall, and wears 5T clothes. He's constantly mistaken for being about 5 years old! This can be a little frustrating at times since he certainly acts like a typical 3-year-old but people expect him to behave older than he is based on his size. Kamu loves to giggle and play, and is incredibly cuddly. He is such an amazing and loving little boy!
Patrick is in first grade and toothless--he has lost all four of his front teeth, and only one of the bottom ones has started to come in. He still plays soccer and is now in the U8 league. We have been astounded at how far Patrick has come with his reading. He fought with us about practicing reading frequently in kindergarten, even though he could read. (He doesn't like to do anything about which he is less-than-confident.) Now, though, he hardly stops reading! The other night he and I read the first chapter of a Magic Treehouse book (we alternate pages when we read together). Then he asked if he could read a little more before bed, so I said sure. The next night, I asked if he wanted to read some more of it and he said "No, I finished it last night." I don't know if he'd ever read a whole chapter book himself before! He and Jason have just finished The Ozma of Oz, and I'm planning to start reading the first Harry Potter book with him soon.
Jason and I are moving right along. Work is going fine. Jason's job is just a job, but a job is better than the year of no job. My job is going very well and I think I've got things worked out for maternity leave so that I will still be in good shape to apply for tenure in a year or so. I have great students this semester and they're really making it go very quickly. We're already past midterms!
Our extended families have had some serious health issues, so we've been worrying about them a lot. We wish we were closer to be there in person, but know that we love you and think of you all the time!
I will try to be back with an update in a few days and may do NaBloPoMo again next month. Love to all!
*We carefully considered our options and this is the best one for our family. We are happy to talk more about homebirth and ask that people respect our decision as being well-informed.
He/she was being very stubborn and did not want to get into a particularly good position for pictures. I have somehow managed to pass on the stubbornness trait to all of my children, whether biological or not.
We did not find out the baby's gender because we're planning to be surprised. I've been surprised at how many people assume that we're hoping for a girl--truly, our boys are so much fun that how could we be anything but overjoyed if we have another one? We're just thrilled to be able to add to our family, and very relieved to find out that the baby appears very healthy.
I've been feeling him/her kick for almost 2 months, and Jason and the kids have all felt movement also. It's amazing to me that this baby was strong enough to kick hard enough that Jason could feel it at 17 weeks! I am so thankful for a healthy, active, strong little one who has made it this far. Only another 20 weeks or so to go!
We are planning to give birth to this baby at home and could not be more excited about our decision*. Patrick actually started advocating for homebirth an hour after we told the kids about the baby (at the end of the first trimester)--"Mama, are you going to the hospital to have the baby or will you have a homebirth?" I said that Daddy and I would talk about it and make a decision. He immediately said "I think you should have the baby at home!" I had no idea that he'd been paying such close attention to my Bradley classes! Both kids have seen tons of birth videos and are excited to be able to be here. I've told Melkamu that he can be one of the first people in the world to hold the baby when it's born, and he is incredibly puffed-up with pride and excitement.
Beyond than that news, the kids and Jason and I are doing well! Kamu's breathing has been better now that he's on regular medications (Flo.vent and Singu.lair), so we haven't had a crisis or had to have him on steroids in about 4 months. Before that, he was on them about every 6 weeks - 2 months. Winter and spring will be the telling seasons, as that's normally when he has problems. He loves daycare and seeing his friends, has learned his colors, and is starting to learn his letters. He still has issues with counting but we're working on them. Melkamu has also grown incredibly in the last couple of years. When he came home at 16 months of age, he was 22 lbs and wearing 12 month-sized clothes. He will be 4 a month from tomorrow and now weighs about 39 lbs, is 46" tall, and wears 5T clothes. He's constantly mistaken for being about 5 years old! This can be a little frustrating at times since he certainly acts like a typical 3-year-old but people expect him to behave older than he is based on his size. Kamu loves to giggle and play, and is incredibly cuddly. He is such an amazing and loving little boy!
Patrick is in first grade and toothless--he has lost all four of his front teeth, and only one of the bottom ones has started to come in. He still plays soccer and is now in the U8 league. We have been astounded at how far Patrick has come with his reading. He fought with us about practicing reading frequently in kindergarten, even though he could read. (He doesn't like to do anything about which he is less-than-confident.) Now, though, he hardly stops reading! The other night he and I read the first chapter of a Magic Treehouse book (we alternate pages when we read together). Then he asked if he could read a little more before bed, so I said sure. The next night, I asked if he wanted to read some more of it and he said "No, I finished it last night." I don't know if he'd ever read a whole chapter book himself before! He and Jason have just finished The Ozma of Oz, and I'm planning to start reading the first Harry Potter book with him soon.
Jason and I are moving right along. Work is going fine. Jason's job is just a job, but a job is better than the year of no job. My job is going very well and I think I've got things worked out for maternity leave so that I will still be in good shape to apply for tenure in a year or so. I have great students this semester and they're really making it go very quickly. We're already past midterms!
Our extended families have had some serious health issues, so we've been worrying about them a lot. We wish we were closer to be there in person, but know that we love you and think of you all the time!
I will try to be back with an update in a few days and may do NaBloPoMo again next month. Love to all!
*We carefully considered our options and this is the best one for our family. We are happy to talk more about homebirth and ask that people respect our decision as being well-informed.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
