Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Read Heather's post

Go, now: http://adayatthebeauchamps.blogspot.com/2010/08/not-ok.html.  Come back if you feel like it, but I can't really add anything to what Heather's written.

And there you have what I feel and what I think, said so much more clearly and eloquently.  "don't put me in your little club just because our skin matches. our hearts do NOT. please leave."

If you have ever said anything that is intolerant of another group, to me OR anyone in my family, it stops now.  I don't care if it is racist, anti-adoption, anti-Muslim, anti-homosexual, anti-anything...it stops now.

If you have ever sent an e-mail that is intolerant of another group, to me OR to my husband, it stops now. I'm saying this on here rather than calling people out personally because there are those with whom we are close who have done this--you know who you are, or you know if that person is in your home. If you wouldn't send it to me because you know I'd get offended, it should not be going to Jason. Jason would rather just delete them and not offend someone by pointing out the racism inherent in that kind of message. I'm not so concerned about anyone else when it comes to protecting my kids. I have accidentally opened those and if I have done it, the kids could do it. If it happens again, you will be personally asked to stop, and that's just going to be embarrassing for you.

If my black child could not marry your white child without your blessing and happiness; if my black, adopted child does not have equal status in your mind to my white, biological child; if you think that my black, adopted child is any less my own than my white, biological child, then we don't need to continue our relationship.

If you're offended by what I've written because you think I'm being "too sensitive" (I was called that recently when several people over the space of a couple of days implied that Melkamu was not "my own"), think about it from my point of view.  You are telling me that my son, for whom we went halfway around the world because we needed him in our family, isn't equivalent to my son who came from my body?  Can I tell you which process involved more determination and heartache to complete?  Can I tell you which process took longer?  Can I tell you that families don't go through that unless they desperately want that child with every fiber of their beings?  Can I tell you that biology doesn't matter remotely when it comes to my children? 

And can I tell you that I will protect my children with every breath in my body against people who spew racism and intolerance to other groups?  I will raise them knowing how to deal with it, not being afraid to talk about the issues, and calling people out when they need to.  Because they will be faced with it when I'm not there to protect them and I don't want them stunned by it.  But I'm not about to deliberately associate with someone who does that.  There are too many good people in the world to waste my time on those who think those things are worthwhile.

If either my post or Heather's post upset you for some reason, please look to your own hearts and stop trying to tell me what should be in mine.


Themia said...

Bravo Erin.

Heather said...

this is beautiful and strong, erin. thank you for adding to what i said perfectly. i'm so tired from trying to keep up with relationships that deep down i know are going to be harmful in the end. today is such a special day. xoxo.

Anonymous said...

I posted a LONG response to this ages ago and must have failed to hit publish. The gist was that I thought you and Heather were articulate about very important issues. I anticipated you might get some bad reactions but noted that you had provided a lot of food for thought for those willing to reflect and possibly grow. I am not being condescending or sanctimonious when I say the latter--I surely never love to have less than glowing things pointed out about myself BUT it can be a real gift when someone respects me enough to give me a slice of truth and the chance to grow. I feel like you and Heather are providing that kind of moment.

ok, let's see if this one publishes...


Handlyrics said...

AMEN!. Enough said.