Saturday, November 27, 2010

NaBloPoMo 26: The day in which I gave up

That would have been yesterday.  All day, I procrastinated posting, with the end result that I didn't post at all.  I've been feeling tremendously out-of-sorts.  Thanksgiving was like a lovely respite in the overwhelming amount that I feel like I should be doing.  I've done almost no work all week.  Finals' week is coming, I've got a hundred papers to read and nearly as many tests to grade, and I've done nothing.  It's like there's so much to do that I can't possibly even know where to start, and so I've started by doing nothing.

I have been a tremendously lousy friend lately.  There are some friends who are going through some really, really rough times.  Have I bothered with a visit, a phone call, even a quick text or e-mail?  No.  I feel so grouchy and incapable of saying anything right lately that I just haven't said anything at all.  Then I feel even guiltier for not helping, for not doing what I know that I should be doing, and that makes me even more grouchy.  For example, I
I've been going through a lot of guilt that we're not raising Melkamu with enough Ethiopian influences but when one of my friends who is Ethiopian called the other day to see if we could get together, I missed the call.  Not on purpose, but I haven't called her back yet.

I've been short with my husband and short with my kids.  The kids have been pestering each other a lot lately and it's on my nerves more than I can explain.  We don't know whether Jason will have a job come March (one-year contract and we still don't know if it's being renewed) right when we'll have the new baby in our family, and that's causing a lot of stress.  I keep reminding myself that when we decided to do the fertility treatments that led to this baby, we were under the impression that it was sure to be renewed.  That's not really helping me relax about it, though.

So yesterday, I couldn't think of what to write.  I have one more serious-type post brewing in me for NaBloPoMo and I know that if I'd written it over the last few days it would have been written in a way that would upset people and not get my point across.  I'm hoping this mindset will end so that I can get it written the way I want.

Please bear with me.  I'm not normally so melancholy and overwhelmed but right now, it's hitting me hard.


Katherine Resch said...

It happens to the best of us. I'm going through something similar: so much to do, not enough time, so I haven't done anything. Hugs and blessings, you'll get through it! :)

Themia said...

Give yourself a break Erin, it will be OK. All of it. You have a lot going on right inside you, let alone trying to take care of everything and everyone else. Let go a bit and breathe, but don't feel guilty about it. You deserve it. And so obviously need it.